Thank you to the Fredericton Riverview Ford Red Wings for including Stalen and making him feel so special.
Stalen was invited to the dressing room after the game to meet his favorite hockey team and Jesse Campbell Magic. It’s an understatement to say that it was everything to him! He even told them a hockey joke and presented them with a copy of both of his joke books.
This amazing group of men may not realize but they have left a lasting impact on Stalen just by greeting him, laughing at his joke, and showing him kindness. They play with heart both on and off the ice. Stalen cried when it was time to go home. But, it helped when I promised him he could go to their next home game.
He can’t wait to watch them in action again on Thursday night.
I want to share something that happened to Stalen and I quite some time ago but it still resonates with me today.
As many of you know, Stalen has challenges with his feet and legs which require him to wear orthotics 8 hours a day. He has worn them for many years and may require lifelong supports. He also struggles with difficult terrain like snow, ice, uneven surfaces, dips and bumps. He falls a lot and has sustained injuries because of this. These things combined with excessive noise, vehicles, and people make parking lots very challenging and sensory overloading for him. Since we live in Canada, winter is very difficult for him. So, after I injured my ribs carrying him in parking lots I had a conversation with our doctor and got him an accessible parking permit. It made sense to make things more manageable for both of us. The permit required a special paperwork and participation from the doctor. It is issued solely in Stalen’s name. We only use it when he is with us and needs to exit the car. It allows us to park close enough that he can walk with my full support. If it’s really chaotic then I can carry him still but it’s a much shorter distance.
Accessibility parking permits can be issued to any person regardless of their age or ability to drive a vehicle.
One day Stalen and I exited the grocery store and I saw an older gentleman watching us. We were parked in an accessible parking spot and Stalen’s permit was visible. As I was putting Stalen in his car seat, this man was at the front of my vehicle taking a picture of my license plate. I could visibly tell he wasn’t a police officer or with the city parking enforcement. Once I got Stalen in the car, I made my way to the drivers door and there he was waiting for me.
He looked at me and said “you have no right to be parked here”. I couldn’t believe my ears. So I said, “excuse me”. He said it to me again “you have no right to be parked here”. He proceeded to add, “your not handicapped”. I replied, “your exactly right, I’m not. But, my 4 year old son in the back seat does have an invisible disability”.
I was shocked. It was probably the first time in my life I was beyond speechless. I could feel my eyes burning.
I was so bothered to think that this man took pictures of my vehicle and waited to confront me. I felt violated and somewhat targeted. I couldn’t help but wonder if the same conversation would have happened if my husband had been with us.
What if my son had been 20, non-verbal and confronted by that man? While he may not be able to verbally communicate, he can understand words and feelings towards him.
I was sickened when I thought of someone with an invisible disability or any disability for that matter trying to get groceries, dealing with all the bumps of every day life and then having to encounter this man with his judgements and preconceived notions.
I was upset because I had just a small taste of the judgement that individuals living with disabilities may encounter. I can’t imagine dealing with regular occurrences like that.
Discrimination (and judgement) of a disability-whether visible or invisible is one of the lowest forms of disrespect and exclusion that I’ve ever witnessed. But, I’m certain it happens all the time.
There is a great profound sadness in that.
My heart broke while the cruelty of that moment stung and took my breath away.
I cried on the way home that day, not because I couldn’t handle it, but because I’m trying so damn hard to protect a little boy from unkind moments just like this and I know that I can’t protect him forever.
Stalen's Way 