Tag: inclusion

Autism and Hockey

I have been getting so many messages about Stalen’s love for hockey and how going to games works for our family.

I know so many families like ours live in isolation and want to find something that the whole family can enjoy together.

Of course, every person with autism is different so just because Stalen loves it that doesn’t mean every autistic person will love hockey.

Last year my husband suggested that we attend a local hockey game with no expectations and Stalen was completely mesmerized by it. The big screen, the team skating on the ice, the team mascot, all the sponsor logos around the ice. He immediately fell in love with local hockey.

His favorite team, the Fredericton Red Wings have accepted and included Stalen just as he is. This has made him love hockey even more.

Here are some tips on how hockey has worked for us…..

-go to a game with no expectations, if it doesn’t work you can leave at anytime. If it is working you can stay for a period, leave on a positive note and stay longer at the next game.

Our goal is to one day take Stalen to a NHL game. If we had started with that kind of game with thousands upon thousands of fans and a huge venue our experience with hockey probably would be much different.

-choose seats that are easy to access. No one wants to be stuck in the middle of a long row. Stalen doesn’t like anyone sitting behind him and he likes to stand up so we choose seats that accommodate that for him.

-consider the noise. Bring noise cancelling headphones if your loved one will wear them.

-bring snacks, iPad, fidgets and other items that your loved one enjoys. Stalen loves to watch the game but also takes break from watching by perusing his iPad.

-a social story may help prepare for what to expect at a game.

-move between periods. Stalen likes to go for a walk between each period of play.

-Elopers should sit between two people. Stalen sits in the middle between me and Dee.

-You can get special glasses that reduce the glare from the ice.

-Visit and tour the venue before the game.

-Do what works for your family. We bring Stalen’s special needs stroller to games. It helps keep him safe. Sometimes he watches from his stroller, sometimes from the seats.

-Local hockey is a great place to start.
By supporting your community, you are increasing the likelihood of future positive interactions, participation and inclusion in your community.

-If your loved one is an AAC user, you can show them visuals depicting hockey vocabulary. Stalen’s favorite hockey word is “zamboni”. He can type and spell it.

-Bring AAC to hockey game and have hockey words and phrases ready to go.

-If hockey becomes a regular outing for your family you can use a visual calendar so everyone knows when the next game is.

-if hockey works for your family, season seats ensure consistency and that you get the same seat at every game. It works really well for us.

I think the real strategy is just to get out in the community and try new things…learn what works and what doesn’t.

Stalen feels amazing to be out in the community. People love to see him at games, so many smile and wave at him and just love to see him enjoying being there.

Over the years, we have had some really great outings and some really bad ones. If the bad ones caused us to stay home and never try again, then we never would have discovered that Stalen loves hockey and it brings him so much joy.

As a side note….if you are in the Capital Region we would LOVE to see you at a Fredericton Red Wings game‼️

Kindness in the Community

Thank you to the Fredericton Riverview Ford Red Wings for including Stalen and making him feel so special.

Stalen was invited to the dressing room after the game to meet his favorite hockey team and Jesse Campbell Magic. It’s an understatement to say that it was everything to him! He even told them a hockey joke and presented them with a copy of both of his joke books.

This amazing group of men may not realize but they have left a lasting impact on Stalen just by greeting him, laughing at his joke, and showing him kindness. They play with heart both on and off the ice. Stalen cried when it was time to go home. But, it helped when I promised him he could go to their next home game.

He can’t wait to watch them in action again on Thursday night.

That’s Not the Case For Us

Without any hesitation I can say that my son has made me the mother I am today.

He has made me strong and brave as he has allowed me to come along with him as he faces his challenges in the same way.

He has increased my awareness that everyone is beautifully different and capable.

He has helped me to find the joy in each day.

He has shown me an appreciation for the simple things.

He has taught me the importance of kindness, patience, and understanding.

He has shown me that words and actions do matter, especially those directed towards someone else.

He has taught me that there is more than one way to communicate and more than one way to do most anything.

He has taught me that it is okay to have hard days and bad days.

He has shown me an appreciation for things that I used to take for granted like the warmth of the sun, the tickle of the wind and grand adventures.

He has shown me the power of hope, love and positive thinking.

He has taught me that you can still go through hell and smile.

I’m an improved version of who I once was.

He has made me better. He pushes me to be the best version of myself every day.

I read a quote recently and it said,

“ men are what their mothers made them”.

But, that’s not the case for us.

World Autism Day!

Today we celebrate all the amazing autistics that we know. Thank you for making our world better and brighter. 🙏 ☀️ ✨

We also celebrate our amazing boy and the bright light he shines into this world. We are so thankful for him, his sense of humor, his unique loves and interests, his smile, his love, and the beautiful soul that he is.

🎶 Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine. 🎶

Public Washrooms

I want to share with you a great source of stress for me…..

public washrooms

My son Stalen is almost 8 years old, he is autistic and non-speaking. He also has several medical complexities. He requires assistance to go to the bathroom. He also has an ileostomy bag which has specific care and maintenance procedures. Public washrooms are also a great sensory challenge for him because of the noise of toilets flushing and hand dryers-another reason why he requires assistance.

The challenge with public washrooms are that many are not friendly or inclusive to a mother accompanying her 8 year old son. Most public washrooms are clearly labelled with signage and separated by sex.

What bathroom do we choose?

Do I just swiftly walk into the men’s washroom with him and hope for the best?

Do I put him through the humiliation-stares, glares, snickers and comments that taking him into the female washroom may warrant.

You may think that it’s no big deal but many people are cruel, confrontational, and think they have the right to police others especially if they think your “breaking the rules”.

Taking my son to the bathroom should not be an exercise in public shame and humiliation for us.

What will the future hold for us if/when he requires washroom assistance as a tall teenage boy and as a grown man?

I am so thankful for those places that offer a “family washroom” option or have come up with a creative way to make their washrooms more inclusive and accessible to individuals with a caregiver. We just need more inclusive washrooms.

I want to live in a world where everyone, (including individuals who require caregiver assistance) can go to the washroom with dignity, free from judgement and discrimination.

….I don’t think I’m asking for too much.

I am not ashamed of Autism

I will never be ashamed that my son is autistic. It’s one of the many parts of him that contribute to making him the amazing boy that I love and adore.

No one could ever take over the space in my heart that he fills with his spins, squeals, smiles, jokes and flaps. These things are mixed in amongst deep love, hope and faith.

There is no room for shame here.

I’m not ashamed of autism and you shouldn’t be either because it’s not about a diagnosis.

It’s about the person.

My son brings so much more to this world than autism. He is smart, funny, charming, handsome, witty, kind, brave, loving.

I would hate for anyone to miss out on the positive bright light that he shines because they are consumed by the negatives.

Don’t miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.

Autism may look hard and challenging on the outside.

But, HE lives it every day from within.

Why would I punish him with shame for a life circumstance that he has absolutely no control over?

I will always take my son into the community.
I will always encourage and support him.
I will always hope for progress for him.
I will always advocate for him.
I will always walk beside him.
I will always ensure that he is treated with respect and dignity because he is a human being and deserves to be treated as such.

I will always be his dance partner even when there is no music.

As I watch this bright, brave boy climb mountains and shatter nevers, I feel nothing but pride and gratitude because he’s mine and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Mama.

In the Community….

Stalen just stopped by Autism Connections Fredericton and donated $100 from the proceeds of his book ”Jokes Are For Everyone!”

Autism Connections Fredericton is one of our favorite places and they have provided so much support, encouragement, and programming to us over the years. They do amazing things in our community!!! ❤️

Stalen is waving hi from Oromocto & Surrounding Area Food Bank

Stalen stopped by and donated $100 to the Food Bank from the proceeds of his joke book, “Jokes Are For Everyone!”

The Oromocto & Surrounding Area Food Bank helps so many individuals and families in our community. Thank you for the important work that you do!

Stalen also donated $65 to sponsor a Christmas dinner for a local family from his book sales.

Way to go Stalen! Keep spreading your kindness in the community.

A reminder….

When Stalen was two years old he needed complete darkness in order to sleep. We had blackout curtains in his bedroom but it wasn’t enough. I took large dark coloured garbage bags and taped them over the windows. I had to do this in our bedroom as well because he often ended up in bed with us.

For over two years, we couldn’t lift the blind, open the window or let the light in.

I know so many of you will understand this….

We couldn’t risk messing up what we had in place because it was working.

When your child is struggling and you find something that works, you don’t allow anyone to mess with it. I would have fought anyone who tried to touch those windows and alter those garbage bags or how the curtains laid upon them.

At first the garbage bags were a dismal reminder that autism controlled every aspect of our lives. Stalen’s diagnosis was new and we were learning to navigate it all. As we settled in and found our groove, I realized that the garbage bags on the windows were a reminder that we were willing to do whatever it took for our son.

Now, almost 6 years post diagnosis we have no garbage bags on our windows. The light shines through. We have learned to ebb and flow, to live with autism. Time and experience have become two of our greatest allies.

Always remember….garbage bags on windows are temporary, it won’t be like that forever.

The current situation and how your feel at this precise moment, will not always be your situation and how you feel permanently.

The light will always find a way to break through the dark.