Stalen was a very cute baby. He had lots of hair and I adored him.

When we came home from the hospital one of our first immediate challenges was that he would not sleep in his crib. The first two nights, I sat up and held him. We co-slept from the very beginning. It was all about everyone getting some sleep!

Stalen was also hungry all the time. He was formula fed and eating a lot-a case of formula every two days. We had to go to the doctor pretty regularly because he was plotting his own line off the growth chart from the beginning. Even though his length and head circumference were proportionate, he was still monitored closely.

At some point early on we were referred to a pediatrician because of his eating and growth and it was determined that he was just a healthy big kid. Physically he was a tank-strong and solid- and started walking at 9 months.I did find it a little strange that he never crawled. He just went straight to walking.

When we introduced baby food Stalen seemed to be a picky eater. He preferred a couple of purees and wasn’t open to trying new ones. I guess he was being rigid but I didn’t realize it. We did realize that he had a MAJOR textures problem. When we tried any foods that were not smooth, he would vomit. He could vomit at the sight or touch of a food which is extreme. For the longest time, he couldn’t hold a cheesie in his hand without vomiting. Meal times were chaotic and stressful with lots of gagging and vomiting. Feeding quickly became a nightmare for us both!

Around 13 months, I knew something was going on with Stalen but I didn’t know exactly what it was.

By this time, Stalen had missed developmental milestones. He had words like “okay”, “good”, “Hi”, “Mom”, “Dad, and “no” very early. One day he woke up and didn’t say a word. It was like he had lost his words completely. I didn’t know that a regression in language was an early warning sign for Autism. He was quiet after that and over the next two months, I noticed other things:

• Sometimes he acted like he didn’t hear me or his name

• He did not use any gestures. He didn’t wave, blow kisses or point to things. He also didn’t look at things when I pointed to them.

• He acted like he was in his own little world. This was concerning because he wasn’t distracted by something or playing with a toy. He just generally acted this way.

• He was infatuated with lights and the ceiling fan. He would just and stare at them and watch them for extended periods of time.

• He flapped his arms a lot.

• He had major sensory issues. He didn’t like wearing anything. He didn’t like to touch certain materials or to get dirty. He was chewing everything.

• He didn’t really care or seem interested in others. He could be in the middle of a party but would act like he was in a room all alone.

• He would accept hugs from me but no kisses. He preferred not to be touched by others.

• He liked to walk on his tip toes, spin, twirl, walk backwards, and run around with his eyes closed.

• He preferred repetition-doing the same things, eating the same things, and the same routine.
• He didn’t play with toys. He didn’t have a favorite anything-stuffed animal, book, or blanket.

• Sleeping was a nightmare. He couldn’t settle or “turn off. It took at least 3 hours to get him to sleep every night. Some nights I would have to restrain his body movements so he could quiet down. Bed time was excruciating!

At 15 months, I shared my concerns with Stalen’s behaviors and delays with a friend. She asked me if I thought he was on the Autism Spectrum. I told her no. I really had no idea what the Autism Spectrum was. But, I found out quick.

I stayed up all night googling and researching Autism. I cried as I went over checklist after checklist of warning signs. It wasn’t a “maybe”. It wasn’t a coincidence. Those lists were perfectly describing him. I knew that night that my son had Autism. I was 1000% sure without a doubt. I was scared…I was overwhelmed….I was numb…

BUT

I was also aware that he needed me and I needed to help him AND those needs trumped everything….that is where this journey begins…