Take Care

When my son was diagnosed with autism at 21 months, I had no idea what I was doing.

It was hard. It was overwhelming.
I wasn’t sure how to deal with his behaviours. We weren’t getting any sleep. He wasn’t eating well. We were in the thick of it.

I was trying to reconcile the unknown, worries, fears, the future, a family, and the reality of the present.

It was too much when combined with all of the regular daily life stuff of laundry, groceries, cooking, chauffeuring, cleaning and errands.

When I think back, I now know that we were in survival mode, white knuckling it as we hung on for a better way.

Even today, we go in and out of survival mode.

But, things are different because of what I’ve learned over the years about taking care of myself. I wish I had learned these things sooner.

I ignored all the talk about self-care when Stalen was diagnosed. I had no time to think about myself as I processed his diagnosis. There was no breathing room in our chaos.

How can you make time for yourself when your child is biting them self and banging their head off the floor and walls?

But, there were little things that I could have done to make things better.

I fell into a spiral of eating fast food and quick processed meals. I was eating to have a meal rather than eating to fuel my body. I started working with a dietician and have learned that there are quick, healthy options that will fuel my body. Proper nutrition helps me feel good and gives me the energy I need to get through the loooooooong days.

I try to walk 30 mins every day. Even on the days that are hell. Fresh air and movement are so good for you. When the weather is good, Stalen gets in his stroller and comes with me. When I’m at home I jump on the treadmill or do a quick online workout video. It could be the worst day ever, but movement always makes me feel better and stronger.

I try to sleep whenever I can. Naps are important too. Never pass up an opportunity to grab 20 mins or to sleep in. Never!

I also try to go to bed early. I’m more of a night person so this is hard so sometimes I go to bed really early one night a week. Sleep is so important!

Find an interest outside of your child’s diagnosis. I love to watch Netflix and reality tv. In the spring/summer I like to run and garden. So much of my time is dedicated to my son’s care, it’s nice to have interests that don’t involve autism or his cecostomy. It’s healthy not to spend all my time researching tools, approaches and treatments.

It’s so important to find friends who understand raising a child with a disability and complex medical needs. It can be very isolating and difficult to physically attend play dates or meets ups with friends. I have found so many wonderful friends online who have been such a great support to me. There are no expectations and you don’t have to leave your house.

Remind yourself that you are human and that you are doing a good job. Social media is very one sided so don’t compare yourself to others or think they have it all together. Don’t wait for praise from others to validate yourself.

No matter where you are on this journey-whether your just starting out or years in-you must be kind and forgiving to yourself. No one is perfect and no one has it all together.

You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself so make those words kind, encouraging and supportive.

Autism is lifelong. There is no competition. It is not a race, it is a journey so take care of yourself!